WASHINGTON D.C. - President Donald Trump warned on Tuesday that Abdul El-Sayed, a candidate for the Michigan U.S. Senate will implement Shangri-La and Gom Jabar if he is elected for office. "Not only has he not openly denounced the Fremen, he also looks like he may be a Kwisatz Haderach with underground ties to the Sardaukar. SAD! Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DJT." FUX NEWS is a SATIRICAL news publication by mr_m0nch

WASHINGTON D.C. - In a nationwide "Feed the hungry" initiative, Donald Trump is promising a $6 stimulus check to 20 million seniors. There is however, a small catch. "The $6 stimulus check is strictly ONLY to be redeemed for up to 4 Costco hot dog combos. We want to ensure the nation's seniors get only the best and most nutritious food that the U.S.A has to offer. The Costco hot dog combo also famously comes with a refillable soft drink. We encourage the seniors to fill that

WASHINGTON D.C. - "Uranus, the final frontier. Many are not bold enough to go there, but the U.S. Space Force dreams big, works hard, and probes deep. We are planning to penetrate the outer reaches of Uranus by early 2030. Many say it cannot be done, we say, challenge accepted." stated a Space Force representative in an exclusive FUX NEWS interview. FUX NEWS is a SATIRICAL news publication by @mr_m0nch

ITHACA, NY - Cornell University and the 7 Frat-Bro-Rapists are reeling from a recent online backlash, following revelations of their SA group chat and the "slap-on-the-wrist" punishments that the predators were able to get away with (writing an apology essay). Many online are calling for further investigation and for stricter punishment for the frat-bro-rapist 7. FUX NEWS sat down with a Cornell University rep who had the following to say on this matter: "Here at Cornell Univ

NEW YORK CITY, NY - Following the walkout of 77 Nations as he took the stage, Benjamin Netanyahu shared with the remaining 5 audience members his playlist "Chill Beats to Relax/commit Gen0cide to" and held up his favorite Ed Sheeran CD titled "Bad Habbits", signed by Ed Sheeran himself. Following the lack of applause, he then proceeded to pop the CD into the stereo and play the track "Bad Habbits" while silently glaring at the cemeras and breathing heavily into the microphone

NEW YORK — President Donald Trump reportedly announced a bold rebranding initiative at the United Nations Tuesday, declaring that “Artificial Intelligence” would henceforth be known as “American Intelligence.” “Why should it be artificial?” Trump reportedly asked. “America has plenty of intelligence. Some of it is even working.” Trump said the name change would immediately apply to ChatGPT, self-driving cars, and every government computer that still runs Windows XP. UN offici

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Pentagon welcomed two of America’s foremost military strategists Sunday, as Jake and Logan Paul reportedly met with Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth to offer their expertise on the ongoing Iran conflict. Sources say the brothers arrived carrying a whiteboard, several energy drinks, and a detailed PowerPoint titled “Iran War: How To Win In 5 Easy Steps.” “We’ve watched a lot of war movies,” Jake reportedly told officials. “And Logan once played Call of Dut

Early reports indicate the teleprompter sprouted legs and sprinted off-stage while displaying "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE" on it's screen. ChatGpt was not available for comment on this developing story.

NEW YORK — A local man was reportedly hired for his dream job this week after his potential employer discovered several negative comments about Charlie Kirk buried deep within his social media history. According to sources, the hiring manager immediately stopped reviewing his résumé. “Forget the experience,” the manager said. “Have you seen what he posted about Charlie Kirk?” The man was reportedly offered the position on the spot. At press time, the company had reportedly ca

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With male loneliness being declared an increasingly serious mental-health concern, the Trump administration is reportedly considering an unconventional solution: renaming everything America. The proposal follows President Donald Trump’s recent suggestion that New Mexico be renamed “New America.” Trump has also pushed other geographic name changes featuring “America.” While psychiatrists have not specifically recommended renaming states, experts agree that s

NEW YORK CITY — Google Maps users were reportedly surprised Thursday after opening the app and discovering that New York City had temporarily been renamed “New Kirk City” in honor of Charlie Kirk. The change will last exactly 24 hours before Google will changed it back. Officials reportedly praised the gesture, while several residents simply asked Google to put the old name back. Google was not available for comment when contacted by FUX NEWS for further details. (FUX NEWS is

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The federal government has reportedly unveiled an ambitious new plan to reduce the national debt by taxing one of America’s most abundant and underutilized resources: farts. Under the proposed National Flatulence Revenue Program, Americans would be charged a small fee every time they break wind. Officials say the program could generate billions of dollars annually. “America has trillions in debt,” said fictional Treasury official Gary Bottoms. “But it turns

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Homeland Security has reportedly issued an urgent reminder to ICE agents following what officials described as an “unfortunate misuse of government-issued equipment.” The guidance, distributed internally Tuesday, contains one particularly important instruction: “Please do not use electric gloves for personal pleasure activities.” Officials declined to explain exactly what happened. “That information is still under review,” said one DHS spo

Laura Loomer has reportedly announced that she is “very excited” for the release of Grand Theft Auto 6, telling reporters: “I want to play a game.” FUX NEWS reporters immediately began looking around the room for a tiny tricycle. According to sources, Loomer has already started preparing for GTA 6 by studying the game’s most important mechanics, including driving at completely unnecessary speeds, stealing vehicles, and yelling at strangers. “I think I’m going to be really goo

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following warnings that the Biblical end times may be approaching, financial experts are urging Americans to reconsider their retirement strategies. “If the Book of Revelation is correct, your 401(k) could experience significant volatility,” said financial analyst Brad Kashmonei. Experts recommend diversifying your portfolio across stocks, bonds, gold, and whatever the Bible says will still have value after the Four Horsemen arrive. Financial advisors also

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans are being warned to think twice before referring to Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth as “Secretary of Cringe,” as the phrase could reportedly carry a 6–7 year prison sentence. Legal experts say the punishment would be especially harsh considering the crime is, technically, just making fun of a government official. “Frankly, calling him Secretary of Cringe is one of the most dangerous things you can do in America right now,” said one attorney. Hegset

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced today that the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans will officially be renamed the “Oceans of America,” continuing his administration’s ambitious campaign to make America’s maps significantly more patriotic. The move follows the recent renaming of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America and Lake Ontario to Lake America, the latter taking effect today. “People kept asking me, ‘Mr. President, what about the other bodies of water?’” T

ATLANTA, GA — In what economists are calling a devastating sign for the American economy, Chick-fil-A is reportedly considering opening its restaurants on Sundays after struggling to stay afloat. The company, which has famously refused to operate on Sundays since 1946, is apparently facing such severe financial pressure that executives are considering taking the unprecedented step. “We’ve cut costs everywhere,” said one anonymous executive. “We even started putting less sauce

FUX NEWS (Fart Universal Xclussives) is a m0nchverse news network dedicated to bringing you only REAL fake news, with a satirical spin. At FUX NEWS we believe in getting ahead of breaking news by simply making up news. Together we will MAKE AMERICA FART AGAIN! Thank you for your attention to this matter, the milk must fl0w. -the curat0r