"I WANT TO PLAY A GAME" LAURA LOOMER SAYS SHE'S EXCITED FOR GTA6

Laura Loomer has reportedly announced that she is “very excited” for the release of Grand Theft Auto 6, telling reporters:

“I want to play a game.”

FUX NEWS reporters immediately began looking around the room for a tiny tricycle.

According to sources, Loomer has already started preparing for GTA 6 by studying the game’s most important mechanics, including driving at completely unnecessary speeds, stealing vehicles, and yelling at strangers.

“I think I’m going to be really good at it,” Loomer said.

Experts disagree.

One gaming analyst told FUX NEWS that Loomer may struggle with the game’s wanted system. “She already seems to have a five-star wanted level in real life.”

Loomer reportedly plans to spend hundreds of hours playing GTA 6, although sources say she may spend the first six hours customizing her character before immediately getting arrested.

At press time, FUX NEWS had received an anonymous envelope containing a VHS tape labeled:

“HELLO, LAURA.”

We are choosing not to play it.

(FUX NEWS is a satirical news publication by @mr_m0nch)