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Following Incident, DHS Warns ICE Agents: “Please Do Not Use Electric Gloves For Personal Pleasure Activities”

Sep 5
1 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Homeland Security has reportedly issued an urgent reminder to ICE agents following what officials described as an “unfortunate misuse of government-issued equipment.”


The guidance, distributed internally Tuesday, contains one particularly important instruction:

“Please do not use electric gloves for personal pleasure activities.”

Officials declined to explain exactly what happened.


“That information is still under review,” said one DHS spokesperson. “There are certain questions we would prefer not to answer.”


According to sources familiar with the situation, the electric gloves were originally issued for legitimate operational purposes and were never intended to become part of what officials are calling an employee’s “creative recreational routine.”


The department has reportedly scheduled mandatory training to clarify the proper use of the equipment.

The training will cover two basic rules:

1. Use electric gloves for their intended purpose.

2. Do not use electric gloves for personal pleasure activities.


An internal memo reportedly concluded with a reminder that all government equipment remains the property of the United States government.

“Please remember,” the memo stated, “taxpayers paid for these gloves.”


Officials say no further details will be released at this time.


FUX NEWS has requested a copy of the full training manual.


The request was denied.


FUX NEWS is a satirical news publication my mr_m0nch

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