IS CHANGING THE NAME OF EVERYTHING TO AMERICA THE CURE TO MALE LONELINESS?

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With male loneliness being declared an increasingly serious mental-health concern, the Trump administration is reportedly considering an unconventional solution: renaming everything America.

The proposal follows President Donald Trump’s recent suggestion that New Mexico be renamed “New America.” Trump has also pushed other geographic name changes featuring “America.”

While psychiatrists have not specifically recommended renaming states, experts agree that social connection and a sense of belonging are important to mental health.

The proposed system would reportedly rename bars, restaurants, parks, malls, gyms and possibly individual households.

At press time, officials were reportedly considering replacing the phrase “You are not alone” with:

“You are America.”