NEW HEALTH CONCERNS MOUNTING AS SNOOZING DONALD TRUMP IS SEEN LEAKING CRUDE OIL FROM BOTH NOSTRILS

At a recent press conference, former Home Alone 2 star Donald J. Trump was seen dozing off and leaking what appeared to be, by sight and smell, crude oil from both nostrils. Fortunately JD Vance who was close by was quick to intervene by licking up the oil and waking up the president. When questioned about the president’s declining health condition and new oily symptoms, Karoine Leavitt had this to say, “I think the important question we should be asking is not why is the president leaking crude oil from both nostrils, but what will we do with all the crude oil that the president is leaking from both nostrils? If we were to tap into this newly discovered infinite oil source, we could indeed, make america great again. As a side note, oil is an excellent lubricant, you can rest assured our president is well lubricated, unlike most people his age.” Karoline Leavitt did request that no lighters or matches are lit within 60 feet of the president due to risks of spontaneuos comustion.