IN AN APPARENT CLERICAL ERROR, DHS SENT 1500 MINI-SODAS TO ICE AGENTS INSTEAD OF 1500 ICE AGENTS TO MINNESOTA

The embattled ICE agents in Minnesota who were anticipating reinforcements were both surprised and confused on Wednesday morning, when instead of an additional 1500 ICE agents, they received 4 small parcels containing a total of 1500 mini-sodas. “It’s an honest clerical mistake, it could have happened to the best of us” said an anonymous ICE agent, cracking open and taking a sip from his 69th mini-soda. “These are also pretty handy. Like I can put 300 of them in my pocket, where as I wouldn’t be able to put 300 normal sized ones in my pocket, you know?” There was growing disputes about how to divvy up the mini-sodas among the ranks, but it was quickly settled after one of the agents beat his chest and shouted Andrew Tate’s name at the top of his lungs, designating him as the alpha male and leader of the pack with authority to decide and distribute the supplies.