DONALD TRUMP PETITIONS THE VATICAN FOR SAINTHOOD AFTER MYSTERIOUS STIGMATAS APPEAR ON BOTH HANDS

“I have the best stigmatas, some say the world’s greatest stigmatas. A man eating an onion approached me in the street the other day with tears in his eyes and he said SIR look at your hands SIR, I think you are Jesus Christ, and I said maybe I am and I gave him a two dollar bill. I have sent a letter to the Vatican asking for Donald Trump to be indicted into the Hall of Fame of Saints, the who’s who of the book I like to call THE BIBLE. Very good book they tell me, have you read it? I told them the people want me to become a saint, I am very saintly. I hope the Vatican does what I want, or perhaps I won’t have a reason to be so saintly anymore, then who knows what happens, maybe we do them like we did Venezuella.” - Donald Trump in a FUX NEWS interview