BREAKING: 98% OF AMERICANS SAY THEY TRUST FIH MORE THAN THE U.S. GOVERNMENT

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A completely legitimate FUX NEWS poll has found that 98% of Americans trust FIH more than the U.S. government.

“Look, I don't trust politicians,” said one Florida man who identified himself only as Kevin. “I don't even trust my own mailbox. But I'd trust FIH.”

Another respondent was more blunt.

“At least FIH hasn't asked me to fill out 47 forms just to tell me where my tax money went,” she said. “And if FIH says the government is full of child-eaters, I'm listening.”

The White House has yet to comment on the poll, although an unnamed official reportedly dismissed the findings as “statistically meaningless nonsense.”

FUX NEWS reminds readers that FIH is not a government official, scientist, doctor, lawyer, financial advisor, or particularly responsible adult.

But according to our poll:

He's still doing better than the government.

FUX NEWS — You wouldn't trust a fart, but you can trust FUX NEWS. Probably.

Learn more about the m0nchverse and read other FUX NEWS at mrmonch.com